X-Prov
by Agasaki Ishano
Summary: Funny funny funny funny! This is a messed up story about a team of mutants with their world turned upside down.
1. Snifity! Back End

X-Prov

X-Prov

{Yeah I know! Yor reading the title to this story and thinking. WHAT THE %^&* is X-Prov? Well I's is goona tel yas all what X-Prov is. It's an X-Men crossover that I, The writer and host, will start and snyone is allowed to write in to me the second part and so on and so on and so on. So I will start it then You, the reader, will E-mail me and ask me to do the next part. I, the host, will give the green light and you will be able to write the next part and send it in to me. And I, the host, will "host" it on my web page. By the way unless you didn't figure it out by now, either by common sense or by reading the first part of this blurb, This is an X-men crossover. So enjoy and send in.}

Poogaly.

Here we go:

Xavier stood in the X-Mansion. NOT! He's a cripple. He's in a wheel chair, Duh where else. He sat there (in the wheel chair) and looked at the wall. Not thinking of anything. Because his mind is as crippled as his legs. (To much sun) A sudden thought rushed through his empty head, It went by really, really fast. So fast he didn't quite know what it was. He thought about not thinking for abit, but found he couldn't think. Suddenly Piotre Rasputen bursted through the doors that were attached to the wall. He ran to get the professor (why a cripple in mind and body could be called professor, I don't know.) The big Russian Jahoosafelta was running to fast and couldn't stop in time to not cause serious bodily harm to the dumb bald guy. He tripped over the wheel chair and it's occupant and now the "professor" was a cripple in neck too.

"Voopsee doodle." Said the Russian guy.

Piotre transformed into his steel like mode. Falling through a window and on to Wolverine.

"You son of a *!%$#" yelled Wolvie, who was shaving at the time.

"You made me slip and cut my leg and make me not so smooth!"

"Oh... Righty oh. Oh I go then." Said Colossus in a strange British accent.

The russian metal man walked out of the room and Wolverine continued to shave his legs. 

"Wait'll Red gets a load of these gams!" He said as he ran his hands up and down the now smooth legs.

"Oooh Sexy!"

Wolverine jumped out of his second floor window and did several backflips and summersaults landing face first into a pile of cow dung. 

"(Sniff sniff)We don't have cows!"

Beasts looked out of his third story window.

"Sorry wolvie."

Wolverive ran away with tears streaming down his face.

"I'll (sniff) never make Prom queen now!"

Cyclops other wise known as "whiny Bitch" watched as his team mate ran past. He thought it odd that Wolverine was acting so girly lately. He moved back to making out with Jean Grey otherwise known as"Skank" Scott lifted his leg as they kissed and giggled like a school girl.

Jean held Whiny Bitch back and leaned against a statue whose large member was sticking out right at her face. The professor liked to collect statues of naked men with erect Penises.

"Scott?" She asked him.

"What is it my love?" He said as he moved over to her in a feminine manner.

"I-It's about the wild passionate sex that we have everynight. It's just that you seem to be distancing yourself from me and I feel left out. You always act alone. Your just not as good a lover as you used to be."

"Oh be Niiiiice!" Whiny Bitch said as he waved his hand in a feminine manner.

"I-I want to break up with you!" She said hitting her head off of the erect concrete Penis as she threw her head back for emphasis.

Tears of pain and suffering began to well up in Scott's eyes and his bottom lip started to quiver like a two year olds. 

"(Snif snif) Y-You don't LOVE me anymore!" He yelled and he ran off in the other direction flailing his arms like a woman. Jean tried to run after him, but she hit her head off the penis again and knocked herself unconcious. Scott ran away not caring where she uh He went. During his trek acros the Xavier mansions soil he trampled an excited Gambit who was currently hitting on Jubilee.

"Hey chere. Want to take a kinitic cagun for a wild ride!!!" He siad hoping to actually get some for once.

"You sick Petafile!!" Screamed Jubilee as she hoofed him in the testicales.

"OOOOOOKKK!!" yelled Gambit in a newly found High pitched girly voice.

"Damn girl you got spunk, I like that in a woman."

"EHHHHWWWWWW!" she yelled hoofing him once more in the genitals.

She runs away, then decides to turn around and give Gambit anouther quick kick to the sack. Gambit begins to cry on the ground as he holds his testicales in pain. Then he squeezes his nuts to hard and passes out from pain. Jubilee runs away to tell Rougue and get her to kick his ass.

Later in the danger room where Rogue is beating the snot out of some robots, (who technically don't have snot but for the sake of the story they do) when she is interupted by Jubilee.

"Holy crap!" Jubilee yells as danger room robot flies past(snot and everything).

"Well watch your self fool!" screams Rogue punching anouther robot through a wall or two.

"Sorry Rogue, I'll be sure to look where your punching a robot next time OK!" Jubilee said sarcastically.

"Well that would help I supose. But why are you here anywho." Asked Rogue.

"Gambit attempted to petafile me and I-I feel so used!!" Jubilee said, starting to cry.

"Well I'll fix him!" answered Rogue flying off to kick Gambit in the Gonads.

Meanwhile Gambit in an attempt to fix his broken nuts asked Jean to suck on them till they got better. Which she declined and hoofed him in the testicales once again.

"It looks like this cajun will have a high pitched voice (much like Cyclops' but more masculine) for quite some time." he moaned.

Rogue finally finding Gambit decides to mess with his head for a bit, namely by bouncing it off the wall for about ten minutes! Then Rogue gets to the point and kicks Gambit's nuts into outer space, literally, I mean Gambit's testicales where found three months later by a cruising nasa shuttle. Now back to our story. Amm, where was I anyway, Oh well, Cyclops has run away for good he says. (But we all know he's in the garage and will come out in an hour for something to eat). Jean, after refusing the now ball deprived Gambit of his offer to lick his nut sack (no matter how tempted she was to do it)Is now looking for whiny bitch but found Nightcrawler instead (cause she didn't look in the garage) Nightcrawler was currently sticking to the ceiling (with the help of his mutant power of course) 

"Hello Jean" He said "Looking mighty fine on this lovely morning which God hath granted for our mortal souls to behold."

Jean grabbed him by his furry blue tail and yanked him off of the ceiling. The blue elf mutant fell off and landed face first onto the floor. Jean picked him up and set him on his feet. 

"Why are you getting all fresh on me fur boy?" She asked as Night Crawler also known as "Elf Boy who is Blue" 

"I believe that you'll find the answer once though give the blow to the servant of god making all feel right and glorious feelings invade our bodys like the Germans and France." NightCrawler said going into full priest mode.

Jean scratched her chin looking at the blue devil in a strange way. "Aaaand In English?"

Nightcrawler sighed and put his fists on his hips "Okay hows this? Hey Baby shake that groove thang and get over here and suck my love stick till it pops." 

Jean shrugged and they went at it for the next two hours or so. Just, y'know, foolin around. Nightcrawler came out of his room later with his clothes on backwards and smoking a cigarette. He met Cyclops on the may out who looked into the room and seeing Jean naked and onthe floor began screaming like a little girl. 

"WAAAHHH!! My girlfriend is cheating on me! " Nightcrawler took Cyclops aside (after readjusting his suit to fit properly) to have a word with him. 

"Cyclops though must realize that Jean is a very loose girl. I should know after two hours alone with her she's very loose. What I'm trying to say is, well, she gets around."

Cyclops looked at Nightcrawler confused. "WAH?"

Nightcrawler sighed and after pulling out five bucks and handing it to Whiney Bitch said. "Here go buy yourself a new skirt for your wardrobe."

Cyclops squeeled(femininely of course) and ran down the hallway and towards the door on his rush out the door he nearly trampled Psylocke who was currently entering the X-mansion on her way back from Da corner wit Bishop. She looked over at Nightcrawler confusedly. And as she walked towards him she asked.

"What was the Bitch whining about this time?" 

Nightcrawler just shrugged his shoulders. "I was doin the nasty with his Ho."

Psylocke nodded her head in a (It all makes sense to me now) sort of way. " aahh! Well I get her tomorrow night Kay?"

Kurt shrugged his shoulders. "Okay."

Betsy walked off in a victorious manner. "YEEEEEESSSSS! Get it on with the red head bitch!"

Betsy walked into the dining room where she met Bobby Drake otherwise known as "Iceman" or "Frosty the Snowman".

"Damn it's cold here" said bobby climbing out of the deep freeze fridge.

"Well that'll teach you to pack the deep freeze fridge (custom made only 9999.99 special price) With salami then lie down in it." 

"OK then...." said Frosty Who began to puff on his corn cob pipe.

"Hey guess what I'm getting it on with red!! Lesbionic sex at last!" screamed psylocke in triumph.

"Cool I got her next ok" Fixing his button nose.

"Sure thing, you can have her right after or next morning." said Bets, still basking in her victory in gay sex .

"YesS!" He exclaimed(rather exclaimitory now isn't he) "got to go now " He said tipping his top hat w(which apears to have some magical properties) His eyes two coal twinkled and he ran off to play with the kids that made him or you know melt or something.

In abit Frosty met up with Banshee who at the moment was trying to out scream Cyclops but seems to not be winning (Whiny is really bitchy, hence the name whiny bitch) Banshee stops to catch his breath, but cyclops keeps screaming really really loudly. 

"Man that bitch can scream!" mentioned banshee casually for some reason whitch is even unknown to me. (Note it is not as casually as people mention having sex for over an hour with Jean)

"thats very true" said Bobby or Frosty as he is more commonly called.

"Yeah, I'm thinking of retiring and giving my job to bitch over here." said the scots man .

" If all I could do is scream a lot, I'd give my job to bitch over there too." said snowman.

And so it came to pass any mutant who could only scream would retire and give their job to the whiny bitch named Cyclops. Here declares the ultimate person, Me. Ok then back to the story. So Frosty needed to get some groceries for some odd reason, Although we all know he is a crack fiend. So anyway he is going to the corner to get some high quality crack cocaine. So we will skip through some trip stuff (although Frosty would most certainly protest to skiping trips). Ok so we are at the corner or Da corner as it was aforementioned. So Bobby meets up with bishop who has the nicest way to jip his customers, Ok this will only work if you can timetravel. So he sells the crack then teleports or something into the future steals the crack and goes back and seals it to them again making somewhere between four to five billion dollars a day. 

"Hey you got my pound and a half of snifity?" Bobby asked Bishop who was also known as "Time Pimp" 

"Yeah" Bishop said handing Frosty his pound and a half of pure 100% Crack Cocaine. "Here it is. Yah getting Jean tonight?"

"Nah tomorrow. But I might as well stock up ahead of time. Betsy's got the Ho for the night." Bishop frowned thinking back on a memory.

He had asked Jean if she wanted to be his ho for hire. But she declined his tempting offer. She had said that she did it just because and that she got enough money from guys trying to buy her heart literally.

Back in the Present Bobby walked off back to the X-Mansion sniffing his Poogly (or at least that's what he liked to call it) Bishop back on Da Corner was getting lonely. He had no customers around and he was desperate for attention. He blew a dog whistle that he had pulled out from his pocket and blew into it as hard as he could. A few seconds later Storm flew down to Da Corner. 

"What is it you wish of me Pimp Master B?" She asked as she called up a wind to make her clothes look dramatic and sexy.

"SHUT UP BITCH!" Bishop yelled as he slapped her on the ass as hard as he could. "Don't be pulling that rhyming SHIT around me I tol you. You Da Ho. I Da Pimp. Do what I say no questions asked GOT IT?!" He yelled. Storm rubbed her heiny and smiled at him flashing her pearly whites in his direction like an obedient, well, bitch.

Bishop continued in a strictly business manner. "Now I've got a new assignment for you once you've finished popping my Cock Rocket. I want you to go after the big rich guy Warren also known as "Archangel" and "Rich pretty boy" You know him right? Storm nodded. "Good." Bishop said and then slapped her on her ass again as hard as he could. 

Bishop and Storm did it on the bench and she went off to find Warren. 

{That's the first chapter now I want other people to read this and then send in their story to me based on right after this part and I want it to tie in with this story so you can E-mail me at anime_morden@crystal-tokyo.com where I will confirm your asking to write the next part and then you can send it back in. I will post it both on my web site and on Fanfiction.net as well. So Get a writing people. Oh and by the way unless you didn't figure it out this story has no significant meaning or theme it's just random shit. It's Parody. Make fun of y'know just for laughs.}


	2. Brotherhood and the big line.

X-Prov

X-Prov

Chapter 002

{This is the second chapter to X-Prov. It is a parody fanfic, so people should just not take it too seriously. It's just for fun and if you are offended by it then you are stupid. If you take it seriously than you need help and need to loosen up(Like jean) Now I will write this fic and you can review it. All flames will be ignored. All fan mail and encouraging mail will be praised. If you want to send threatening mail, I will send you threatening mail back. In other words Laugh or don't laugh nothing else.}

Magneto sat on his ass in his throne room, he was shifting back and forth trying to get feeling back into his ass. He had been sitting here for over three hours listening to Quicksilver yap about his stupid calculations. 

"Would you hurry the _hell_ up?!" Magneto said with annoyed impatience. As he leaned his elbows on the large black table that was before him. 

"I'm sorry father, but if you want to know how best to infiltrate the X-Mansion, then you'll have to listen to the rest of my lecture." Quicksilver said with annoyance of his own. Magneto nodded.

"Fine! How much longer do you plan on being, Mystique has already fallen asleep." Magneto said as he motioned for his son to continue with the boring lecture. Quicksilver nodded and pointed back to the large map displayed on the wall with his laser pointer. 

"I shall only be another two to three hours father." He said casually.

All in the room who were still awake groaned and most slammed their heads into the table. Magneto listened for about one more minute and then slammed his fists on the table as he stood up. 

"Thats _IT_! I'm not listening to this crap anymore we're just going to go down there and attack anything we can see! No more of this lecture Bull shit! I say we take the direct approach. _WHO AGREES!?!" shouted Magneto. All of the mutants in the room who weren't asleep stood up from their chairs throwing their fists into the air and cheering. 

"YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" They all yelled. Magneto ran to the door ignoring Quicksilver protests. Every one followed the master of evil mutants known as Magneto and otherwise known as "Magnet Geezer" out the door towards the hanger where several black jets sat ready to be driven through the roof of a building of some sort.

Quicksilver screamed "SHOTGUN!!!" and used his hyper fast runny thing power of his to get to the front seat first. He then proceded to hop up and down in his seat yelling giddlily "jet ride!! Jet ride!!" Magneto/ Magnet Geezer sighed and used his magnetic super floaty power thingy mabob of his to move about three meters to the front of the jet. 

(Meanwhile at the "X" mansion) (I don't feel right about calling it the X mansion every since Xaiver lost his friggen marbles and started thinking about not thinking.)

Storm was currently trying to get Warren to have sex with her(for a large fee of course) but he was stubborn and didn't want to leave his marry poppins tea playset. She was currently shaking her ass in front of his nose upturned fgace while trying to undo his pants.

"Come _on_ I need money! You're a rich guy I'm not lets screw!" Warren stuck his nose to the air. 

"Ï say! What kind of peasant are you to think that I, tha grteat Warren Worthington th fifth,(or is that third?)

He shrugged his shoulders figuring that one number was a as good as the other. "would have sex with you for money." 

Storm stopped trying for the pants and sighted. "HOW many times do I have to tell you! You pay ME! I don't pay YOU!"Warren shrugged.

"Whatever! Would you like some tea its quite good." Storm had, had quite enough and she knocked him out with a kick. She then proceeded to take his wallet and all silver ware and valuable oitems around the house. "Dumb piece of shit!" She said as she left the mansion to go give her winnings to the Time Pimp (otherwise known as Bishop, or Homy B,) 

Just then Beast burst through the door. Half his head shaved off with Wolverine chasing him, claws extended. Beast shreaked like Cyclops (But not as girly) then ran around in circles. 

"This is for my prom queen title you wench!!!!" Wolvie screeched to a halt as he sees Storm with a huge bundle of valuables under her arm. "Hey… Isn't that my new silky smooth razor 5000??" He pondered this for a second and screamed (again, very much like Cyclops but not even half as girly.)

"So what if it is Hoe!" Storm yelled at Wolverine also known as "Wannabee Queen".

"It appears a cat fight is comeing in the near future." Speculated Beast as he pulled his glasses out of thin air. (although they had slight traces of fecal matter on the rims.) "These glasses have spent to much time in my rect… storage compartment!" Beast blushed (a very blue blush, but a blush none the less.). (A yes and Beast is named "The Blue Bitch")

Wolverine forgets about his silky smooth razor 5000 and begins to chase Beast for some unknown reason. (Although I know it was for a break in writing.) They exit the mansion and run into Colosus. Running into him caused much bodily harm so Collosus ran away. "I can not stop from hurt zeese persons zat I love zo muchikins!!" He cryed as he ran away. He ran through the streets not weatchingwhere he was going and ran over several hundred people on the way back to the X-Mansion. Unknowingly he killed several people and injured hundreds./

He passed Jean who was currently giving a random stranger a blow job on the corner. There was a large lineup that stretched for about three or four HUNDRED miles. Of course Jean never got tired. Scott was at the very end of the line. "What's going on here?" He whined really bitchy like as he began making his way to the front. He pulls someone from the line to see what it's for. "Hey buddy what's this line for?" He asked. The guy just shrugged.

Scott ran to the front and saw Jean giving all who stood in line blow jobs. He began to sniffle and tears welled up in his eyes. Jean caught sight of the crying and just went faster. (the current blowee did not mind at all.) Scott Ran away. 

He ran past Gambit who was currently rolling on the ground holding his groinal area in extreme pain. "Ohhh dis Cajun not going to be getting none soon eh mes amis? He said as Scott ran past. Scott stopped and bent down to help the Kinetic Cajun up. 

"Gambit are you okay?"He asked. "Where does it hurt? Want me to kiss it better?" He asked Gambit nodded and Whiney bitch proceeded to give the mans member CPR. Gambit moaned and accidently charged his "member" with kinetic energy. A swift moment later a large bang sounded out of the city. (remember the size of the bang doesn't represent the size of the member. If that was the case, the bang would be barley auditable.) Gambit screamed out in absolute pain. And began thrashing about the ground. Scott pulled out his hello kitty cell phone and dialed 911. He had to run around town asking people what 911's number was first though.

Soon after an emergendy team came along and put Gambit on a stretcher throwing it into the ambulance with much force and causing Gambit to bleed profusely. They drove off to the hospital hitting every bump on the way.

Scott smiled and walked off home feeling better about him self for helping save a mans life. He began to walk with a little more bounce and pride in his step towards home, but then he remembered why he was sad and began to kick and scream and cry like a super sonic crying three year old. Just then kitty pride walks by and sees Whiny Bitch. 

"What's wrong Ass bitch?" She asked to the overly sensitive Scott. He stopped crying for a second and looked up at the walk through wally type mutant female thingy with tear filled eyes. Jean's giving free blowjobs on the street corner! I thought, (sniff) Ithought she LOVED ME!! WAAHAAAHAHAAH!!!!" Kitty Pride sweated and then ran past Scott in the diection of the line. 

*Gotta get me some of Jeans twister tongue!* she thought. Scott looked after the curly brunette and then began crawling home, still crying.

Kitty Pride Otherwise known as "Shifty Whore" ran to the end of the line where she met. The Brotherhood. "Gasp!" She said. Ït's the Brotherhood!"She exclaimed. "What Are you doing here!?!" She asked Magneto.

Magnet Geerzer looked at the youthful Kitty. "Hello Kitty." He said. "Look at me! I'm an old man! I have not gotten any for at least forty years! For that long has my splong laid dormant, limp, and shriveled. Noe I ask you. Is this not the opportunity of my lifetime?"

Shifty Whore ythought about that sensibly for a second shrugged and got in line. "Yeah I guess that makes sense. What about the others?"She asked.

Magneto looked ahead of him and sure enough there was thee rest of the brotherhood in line. Öh them! Oh their just horney." Kitty nodded and got in line behind Magneto.

Mystique, who was right in front of Magneto looked back at the new joiner to the line. "What's new Pussy!" She asked in a sultry voice that promised many hours of sexual Lesbionic pleasure. She moved next to Kitty and grabbed her ass. "Say how about we get out of here and do a little of our own fooling around. Kitty thought about that for a second. 

How about after I get Jeans Twister?" She asked. Mystique giggled. 

"Silly Pussy. I could be anyone you want me to be. Even Jean." Kitty's eybrow shot up. 

"Öh really?" She asked quizzically .

"Ÿes really!" Said Mystique answeratively. With that said they ran away to a nearby alley to do a little bit of role playing. 

During this little sexperiance of Mystique's and Kitty's, Marrow wandered by after sensing Lesbionic sex in the air. She was intrigued by the extreme amounts of yelling and screaming for more. Basiccaly, she wanted in. So she asked just that. "Hey can I join, I could… make it more interesting." She exclaimed as she formed her hands into cock shaped bones. (That's what I call a boner.) The sex continued as the screaming of the three girls drifted back out in to the night. (Although it was day.) 

(Later)

Three sweating women enter the X mansion. They meet up with Sam Guthree or Cannonball, or "pellet gun." 

"Holy Cow molelys gabolelies gawakamolies cabolies granolies fenconian armies attack!!!!" 

Three pairs of eyes (equaling six, or twenty four if they were spider people) looked at him. "We just got back from thirty straight hours of Lesbionic sex, although we started three hours ago. Hey we might have been going that long if there wasn't that break in the story just a bit ago." 

"RRRIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHTTTTIIIIIIOOOOO!!!!! TTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEN!!! NNNNNNNN!!" Exclaimed a confuseled pellet gun. "I thought thet you loved ME Marrow! After all we bonded so well last night and the night before and the night before and the night before." Marrow put a hand ofer his mouth to shut him up. 

"Yeah well if it makes you feel better We'll all start ovewr again and you can join in. Okay?" Sam smiled gidilly. 

So they all went off and had happy happy sexual stuff.

Gambit got back to the X Mansion. He felt like a whole new man. The doctors had found a replacement penis for him, He evaded running into one of the many erect concrete members that surrounded the X Mansion and ran to his room to test out his new "Equipment". He pulled it out, then realized something. This wasn't his room… It was Rogue's!!! She was just coming out of the shower as he began to repack his…um… package. (which wasn't this big this time either) She came out in the buck. Gambit stopped his…repacking, and gazed in amazement. Wowy zowy! She had big honkers! His new member stood at full attention as captian happy began to get… out of control…. Rogue turned around to look a Gambit.

"WHAT IN SAM HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!" Gambit was to tuned out of the world and into Rogue's cheast that he didn't hear her. She repeated herself quite forcefully as she punched his sack like a cheap boxing bag. He winced, but pain is nothing to the glory he has finally witnessed. He imagined Nightcrawler preaching about the holy goodness of this moment. Then it hit him, really really really hard. A chesterfield was being rammed in between his legs. 

Jubilee entered the carnage. "Hey Rogue can you help me clean these robot snot stains out of my new pants… WHA!!! Gambit!!! What is he doing here!!??!!" Then she noticed the consistently ramming chesterfield. "Oh, alright then, I'll help." She said as she Mega Pafed Gamit in the groin. Both she and Rogue then commenced to hoof Gambits testicular area for at least an hour or till it turned an odd shade of neon purple and began to fall off. Gambit lay on the floor twitching violently. 

Just then Beast mysteriously entered out of someones rect… Holding area, and began to diagnose Gambit's condition. "Hmm, I'd say many blows to the arms and feet." Beast said in an vague attempt to be smart. He then pulled a sock puppet out of his… holding area and began to speak to it. "So mister poopity what should we do with Gambit?" He asked the sock puppet.

Mister poopity replied in a high pitched voice that was obviously coming from Beast's holding area. "Lets experiment on,… I mean help him back to health. Beast nodded to the sock puppet and then lifted Gambit over his shoulders heading for his lab.

*************``

{Well that's all for X-Prov 002 I hope you all enjoyed it. I also hope that some of you hated it more than anything I love flames. So send me FAN MAIL or HATE MAIL! I don't really care cause I jusat write this so that I and my small circle of friends ca laugh. At both the story and at the mail I recieve concerning the story. And now a word from me: WATCH OUT FOR SPIDER PEOPLE!!!!!!!! THEY ATE MY BRAIN!!!!! But I got better. Now as for the next chapter. There will be more Lesbionic sex, more funnyness, more NightCrawler Rants, and more STUFF!! So watch out for X-Prov part three (It might hit you in the head, I know, because it happened to ME!!!), "The Last Part to a seven Part mini series."}

By


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